Postpartum pounds and mom jeans 

I tried the ATKINS diet…once …for one and a half days … then I raced to the nearest Mexican restaurant and shoved my face with tortilla chips and bean dip. 

I also tried the juice cleanse for two days… and subsequently ate an entire pizza on day three. 

Clearly I have a lack of will power and self control… 

I suck at diets. 

Now I find myself, 10 plus weeks postpartum, still not able to squeeze my arse into my pre baby bottoms. I look in the mirror and wonder if I’m forever destined to rock “mom jeans” (although I’d like to note that high waisted jeans are far more popular nowadays). 

Now I’ve never been a petite lady. I’m 5’9.5″ and have an athletic build (when I go to the gym…). I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be a supermodel nor fit in a number that you can count on one hand. I’m almost certain the last time I was a size four was when I was in fourth grade. 

Realistically, if I REALLY wanted to see a size four I could (try) to overexercise and eat 1,200 calories daily… But I’d also be the crankiest and hungriest lady in the room. Plus, I REALLY like tacos. So F that! I’m a bigger boned lady and I’m okay with that. More to love, right? 

Gone are the days of my Abercrombie daisy dukes, much to the dismay of my husband. Crop tops were never, EVER a wardrobe option (I’ve always had a … softer midsection). And those trendy rompers just don’t cooperate with my long ass torso! Helloooo camel toe! What… TMI? 

My goal is not to dress like a teenager. Nor is it to have the body of one. I’m creeping towards my mid thirties.  My boobs and toosh are never going to be as perky as they once were in my youth. And to top it off, I’m now a mom. I don’t need nasty looks from fellow parents on the playground as my cheeks hang out of my daisies. Inappropriate! 

When dressing like a mom comes to mind I first think of mom jeans… then I think of 90’s outfits my mom wore. Then my mind floats to Talbots, Ann Taylor and Chicos. Brands I do not connect with as of yet… ask me again in my 50’s. 

Okay I’m going off on a tangent about mom dress code… back on track! Focus lady! Focus! 

My goal is not to be a stepford housewife, Barbie doll, a Kate Upton look a like trophy wife (although I don’t think my husband would complain if I were the later). 

My goal is to have a healthy BMI. To be able to chase my (quickly growing) son once he starts tearing ass around the hood on not so stable baby legs. My goal is to live a long, healthy life. With that goal in mind, a healthy lifestyle is required. 

I don’t smoke. Icky! I do drink the occasional glass of wine or margarita. I try to drink enough water and go on walks. And I love my veggies. But I also love pizza… and cupcakes… and sitting on my ass watching GOT… Which isn’t horrible… Everything in moderation. Right? 

But as my son grows and my waistline remains at a nice postpartum plateau, I started to research losing weight and breastfeeding simultaneously. 

My stepson said I don’t look pregnant anymore, but I have a pizza belly instead… 

I also had my seven year old nephew recently ask me if I was pregnant again…

Thanks for the motivation, you little turds. Womp womp! 

I’m only three pounds from my pre baby weight…which makes me wonder if I always looked pizza belly pregnant beforehand. Hmph! 

Whatever! I’m only ten weeks postpartum and it took nine months to make that baby! I’m giving myself nine months to whip my arse into shape. 

“Nine months on, nine months off! “

Here is what I have found out in regards to dropping those postpartum pounds: 

  1. If you’re breastfeeding, in order to maintain supply, you have to consume a minimum of 1500-1800 calories, leaning to the higher end. 1800-2200 will keep supply ample. 
  2. Calories needed to breastfeed depends on mom’s activity level and her BMI. The more mom is active, more calories are needed. Duh! The higher her BMI (aka fat reserves) less calories are needed. 
  3. There is no magic number of calories for mom’s. Everyone is different. Just listen to your body, have some healthy snacks and stay hydrated. 
  4. Breastfeeding burns between 200-500 calories daily. Woot woot! 
  5. Don’t try a crash diet and/or cut calories too fast. The body can go into starvation mode and reduce your milk supply. Plus mom’s nutrition and/or health is often the first to be affected, before her milk supply depletes. 
  6. The longer you breastfeed, the easier it will be to shed those pesky pounds. 

Bottom line, maintain a healthy diet and lifestyle and your body will, eventually, shrink down to the size you’re body should be. 

None of this is news to me. But it’s a good to reminder to cut myself some slack. To try not to compare myself to the celebrities and supermodels that have abs two weeks postpartum. They get paid to look amazing… and I’m sure they miss their tacos and pizza treats. Mmmm tacos and pizza. 

Per usual, thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Like, comment and share. All responses are appreciated. 


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